We junior doctors signed our lives away when we took the Hypocrite's Oath

A junior doctor with a fledgling career as a standup comedian offers an alternative take on the row over proposed new contracts

Every doctor remembers taking the oath as they graduated medical school, based on the vows of the Buddhist Bhikkhu. Like these monks, we promised to forgo all personal concerns and aspirations in the name of our Dharma – medicine and our duty to the British people.

The only possessions to which we are truly entitled are those aiding the practice of medicine. Keeping up the mortgage payments on that overpriced one-bedroom flat in Sydenham is certainly something we shouldn’t bank on!

I recall feeling apprehensive having sworn it. That was until one of my lecturers took me aside, the concern clearly having registered on my face. An arm around my shoulder, winking as he spoke, he whispered: “Don’t worry dear boy, no one actually expects you to stick to it, that’s why it’s called the Hypocrite’s Oath!”. With that he was gone, striding off towards his Jag, the jacket of his Savile Row suit billowing in the wind.

I was reassured, and had felt so ever since, until a new crusading health secretary appeared on the scene. It’s been clear from the outset that Jeremy Hunt is a man who means business. Intent on curbing the wanton excesses of the NHS, he would be the one to save it, tugging this creaking relic to dock in the 21st century.

He immediately set to work, streamlining services and cutting waste. Gone were unnecessary frivolities like local A&Es and maternity services. After all, what’s an extra bus ride on your trip to hospital?

Where would his eagle eye for improvement land next? The bourgeois fat cats of the junior doctor elite, who had brought this country to its knees, fell under scrutiny. We had been allowed to ignore our oath for too long.

When he first announced the proposed changes to doctors’ contracts, of course we complained – how could we not? After all, we vocationless bunch have had it so good for so long. Soon gone would be the inflation busting salaries, the Monday to Friday culture, the unearned universal adoration of the ailing public. We would be forced to earn our money, and do all of our socialising on a Sunday or in the dead of night like everyone else.

So we began with our excuses. Many invoked patient safety. “Doctors are already tired, do you want to make this worse? A shift on call with a bleep is like having a baby monitor. Except there are tens, even hundreds of sick people (including babies) on the end of the line. And when you answer the call to tend to them, you might find yourself having to perform actual, literal brain surgery, rather than just burping them.” Hyperbole, smoke and mirrors of course – the government saw right through that one.

Some pointed out that no other profession would tolerate a pay cut of up to 30%, while being asked to work longer and more antisocial hours. The government stood firm, telling us to cry a river into our monogrammed hankies.

The majority of junior doctors should be able to weather the storm anyway. We are a homogenous bunch, all plucked from well-to-do families who will be able to support us through any shortfall. Half of the team I work in met on the Eton fives courts for goodness sake! Many of us should really do the job purely as a way to give back, like billionaire’s bored spouse doing charity work, or Carter from ER.

Needless to say, we are almost all young men. We’re hardly likely to be troubled by the penalties for taking time off or working part time. And surely childcare isn’t that expensive anyway?

Besides, where else do we have to go? It’s not like a degree from a UK medical school travels well! And you can bet, should we have the audacity to shop our transferrable skills in another industry, we’ll find the job market a barren landscape with a dearth of companies even willing to speak to us.

We should recognise that we’ve finally been beaten by a government that truly has the interests of the NHS and all who use it at heart. We, like soldiers signed our lives away, no matter what the cost when we took that oath. It’s about time we were made to stick to it.

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